Where Do I Belong?

I don’t remember the day I was baptized. I do know my mother and father were there, along with my aunt and uncle who would become my godparents. It was however, the day I would first be immersed in Holy Water deeming me Catholic. I went to Norte Dame church and distinctly remember sitting in church, dangling my legs on the wooden pews, oblivious to the words the priest spoke. At times I was bored out of my mind, but other times I was entertained by my coloring books or my older sister Alexis who’d always make me laugh. Both of my sisters went to Catholic school (K-12), but I only attended for kindergarten. After my parents put me in public school, they sent me to CCD (Confraternity of Christian Doctrine) every Wednesday at our church. I received my First Holy Communion when I was eight, but never got confirmed— many Catholics see that as a sin.
If not getting confirmed is a sin, then I belong in confession for 8 years if I expect to be forgiven. When I moved to Florida at the age of 12 we stopped attending church on a regular basis. I suppose it was because we were out of our comfort zone at our own parish, but it also could have been that our move was only supposed to be temporary. I ended up staying in Florida to train at a tennis academy for the next 5 years and well…religion sort of checked out of my life.
It wasn’t until I came to college and took a world religion course that infatuated me with other religions that I found myself yearning for my own higher power again. I wanted religion on a consistent basis again, but I was confused because I had been without it for so long. I was especially intrigued by Buddhism and Hinduism. We studied Catholicism too, but the professor, as unbiased as he attempted to be, gave me a negative vibe about the religion.
I bought several books on Buddhism that summer and began dabbling in meditation and living life in the present. It was a new concept and routine that seemed to relax me and take me away from my hectic schedule. But because I only had myself to enforce the religion, I never got too far with it. Again, I abandoned a religion.
What I want to do with my life right now is find that higher power that I can ultimately believe in and follow. I know there is a God and divine spirits that guide me every day of my life. But who are they? How do they want me to live my life? I have to do my research and learn about what is out there and what religion best relates to me and my values. Maybe I am meant to be another form of Christian like Lutheran or Protestant. It could be that Buddhism or Hinduism are my calling, but I didn’t give it enough of a chance. Who knows…it may even be that Catholicism is the religion for me. I am however, anxious and ready to find out as well as share my journey on this blog.